A helmet, a toy, and a bird

I'm going to miss her, miss her so much.

The only thing she said to me was "No, you fold it this way; Ahh, no, you need to fold it flat; okay?; okay!; you're welcome."

All I said to her was "ohhhhhhh" and "thank you!!!" and "I'm sorry, i get it now".

All she did was help me fold them, mostly me out of everyone, because she was the closest person to me, and I'd needed all the help i could get.

All i did was give her a fist pump and an awkward hug, and a pose for a picture.

For over 30 minutes we only exchanged about 50 words, ten different words in the variety. every minute she became more open, and every minute she became more beautiful.

It's probably a good thing that she's leaving forever.

If i ever got to know her, my heart would probably be broken even more.

How can someone be so caring, so caring to a person that she's never met before?

Me, a total stranger.

Totally guided and safe when my hands were embraced with hers.
Doesn't matter that i was just folding paper.

This a quote from Lisa I'a's email signature(is that how does her last name is supposed to work with an apostrophe S?)...

"To meet a stranger and fall in love is true love."

Holy crapp.

Is that what's happened to me?

Is that what this feeling really is?

I swear, i honestly cant get her out of my mind, and i miss her already.

Crap.

She smelled like gentle citrus and vanilla

Not the usual overbearing scent of oranges...

But something else, that just sent me into a peaceful calm.

I don't think it was just her scent, but her demeanor...

So kind and caring and yet so calm and collected...

I've never met a girl with that combination of a personality

But she's leaving, to go to her real life...

I just hope she remembers me...

Yesterday, I left with only her name

And an awkward, but (pleasantly) long hug.

Goodbye

.....

I'll miss you.

W/e

What a pain. everything is always my fault. if the computer breaks, its my fault; if the TV is messed up, its my fault, if the stupid food gets over boiled, its my fault. and then, when they wanna talk to me, they always say, "oh, nobody's ganging up on you". No, you all just blame everything on me, and say that there's so much stress because of me. and when i tell you something, its never the truth. nope, i just tell a lie, because my good old mouth just feels like it. whenever i do something wrong, oh, there's never any innocence, or any forgetful thinking, im being malevolent on prupose, it's all just because. and i can never try to explain myself because it's aaalllll just bull, right? or if i still try to, you like to bring up the fact that im always getting in trouble, and that i suck in school, which is stupid, when i tell you how school is all the time. and that not even hearing you when you come in the house and not saying hi is me just being a jerk. and i absolutely love how you say i never try to effing change, when im killing myself trying to be a different person, so that all of you dont have to go through all this crap that i wont list in public cause itll take too long to write. pah. i cant beleive this. since ive come up here 8 years ago, ive had to deal with a person with a horrible temper, a hypocrite, and someone who says they couldnt carw less. i apologize for the spelling, i cant really see now. ahaha, this is the exact reason i hate crying. hah, i shouldnt write that, because then youll just say that im being a basby and need to get a backbone weont you? w/e. you always say to think about things from someone else's piont of view, to see how it'lkl affect others around me, but you havent done jack sh** to see how i might f**ing feel. is it because im the youngest, you just think that im being stupid, and i dont have anything important to say? ahaha, well anywaay, you should start thinking about how i feel, because my anger is starting to shine through. im normally a happy, talkative, energetic person, but lataely, ive been to mad to be that. even my friends are staring to notuice. they sasy that im an angry person, and i sure as f*** amn startinmg to be. this isntr alll i have tos ay, biut i cant seee through mhy tears, and ik cant really spell whhen i cxant see. im gna have to come back and spell check all this.

Lovethis song. Does anyone know how to get the music player thing?

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last?
Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,When Love seems to hate us?
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.
You say you care, and I know you do...
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense.
Just cause I love you, and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be.
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas
But the most frightening you and me.
[Chorus]
Most circumstances, I know my fate
But in this love thing, I don't get the game.
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend.
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be.
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me.
[Chorus]
I'm sure though I'm not sure
But if we never try,
We'll never know
It's better to have loved then not to loved at all.
Not trying is worse than to stumble and fall
And if we do,
I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be sweet memories.
Oh I'm not scared...

Oh. Yes.

Yes. the finalsare over. its all ican do from screaming with relief. honestly, i think my heart's about to give out. heheh. im typing as if im calm, but its taken me about...mmmmm....7 minutes just to get this far. i just cant sit still. ha. ahhahahahahahahahhahaahahahahhahahhahahahah
jahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahah
hahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. there. i am done.
:D

YyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks you two

Thanks Ally and Jef-f-fuh
:)

A different type of thanks for someone special

this post is dedicated to someone else.
(i cant find her blog for the life of me!)
(its a poem!)
(but it doesnt rhyme. and theres no rythm)
:/

Thanks for what youve done for me, for what youve helped me become.
Im stronger because of what ive gone through with you,
but unlike almost every other person that is happy that theyve gone through what youve made them go through, im more pissed then a urinal at Qwest Field.
well, here goes.

thanks for being friends with me, thst one summer day.
thanks for saying hi to me at lunch when i was alone
thanks for giving me a hug when you barely knew me.
thanks for being sad when i didnt give you one.
thanks for not telling on me when i did what i did
thanks for comforting me when i wasnt happy.
thanks for liking me.
thanks for helping me with my girl troubles, haha :)
thanks for telling me your problems so i could help and finally feel useful to someone
thanks for talking to me about stuff that you probably wouldnt talk about with most other people
thanks for upping my morale when my grades were bad
thanks for spending time with me
but i also want to say...
thanks for trying to use me to cheat on your boyfriend
thanks for moving from dude to dude, making me feel lost about once a month
thanks for helping me feel confused about my feelings for you
thanks for ditching me
thanks for one day saying you like me, then the next saying you dont because it would "ruin our friendship", and then for still using me as a tool to seem flirty in public.
thanks for saying youll always be there, and not be there, cuhz youre too busy flirting
and thanks for leaving me...
even though you're not leaving now, you're gonna be gone next year
and thanks for saying that you, quote," wont stay just for my friends"
thanks for not realizing how hurtful that was.

no matter what though, i will always try my hardest to be the best friend to you as i can be, and i will always try to look over your shortcomings, cuhz i know that i have mine too.

Hate. "its a strong word, you should mean it when you use it". that's something everybody thinks or says when they hear someone else say that word. the thing is, the people who usually say that are almost always the people that say "i love you!" 24/7. what they dont realize is that hate is a strong word, but love is just as strong a word. i used to take that word seriously, cuhz last year, the people that said it to me were the people that meant it. but now the phrase"i love you" is just as common a phrase as "shut up" or the ever so famous " i know, right?"

ergh. dont you just wish for the last school year to have never ended, to be with your true friends, safe and secure? Not having to deal with the issues of moving to high school, all the drama, all the lies, all the pain? Dont you wish that they never moved 9th grade to high school, so you could spend an extra year with all your friends. but alas, now things have changed, and most of your friends( that arent at your current school) are at another high school(Kentwood), with a few of them, including at least 2 of your closest friends going to another(Kentlake), with a light smattering going to another school(Kentridge).

everything has changed again. Ive switched most of my friends for the 3rd time in the past 3 years. just when i was feeling comfortable at Meridian, the school year ended; and everyone at KM is just so strange, so different, so alien. i feel lost again, just like i did at Sequoia, just like Meridian, and i totally dont know what to do about it. anyway, just needed to vent, if you take the time to read this, i thank you, and tomorrow i gotta go bck out there into the wild, world. i really will try to keep my head up and shoulders back, cuhz even though right now i feel that im alone, i know there's someone out there who feels the same way i do
:/